If Google Was A Dude in An Ice Cream Truck.

Walk up to the truck, ring the bell. Sketchy looking dude with a shirt that says ‘Ice Cream’ in the Google colors says:


>Hi. Let me get a Klondike Bar.

>What’s your name?

>Why is that relevant? I’m trying to use your service.

>I require a full name (creepy smile).

>Ughh. Whatever, I’m John Anon. Now give me my K-Bar.

>What’s your Phone Number? Don’t worry, I won’t use it for evil. I’m just going to use it to keep you SAFE.

>You’re about to get pepper sprayed dawg. Fuck the Klondike, I’m out.

Walk across town to another Ice Cream Truck.

>Ring the bell.

>Same creepy dude pops out. HI!

>How in the hell… Did you teleport? You’re like a Wizard Pedophile.

>I bought up all the Ice Cream Trucks in town. Want to receive Text Messages?

>Give me a fucking Klondike. Now! (Slowly pull out Pepper Spray).

>Share your location with me, so I can pinpoint you via GPS! Don’t worry, it’s not bad, I’m just making the World SMALLER (even creepier smile)

>Unload an entire fucking can of Pepper Spray on that creep, call the cops after I steal my Klondike and run home.